You are What you wear!

Did you know that we’re all judges? Consciously or sub-consciously we judge and categorize every person we encounter, based in great part on the clothes they are wearing.

By understanding this process of observation – and using it in reverse – I create costumes for characters in a script. The job of a costume designer is definitely part social psychologist: I watch people to evaluate how each person’s clothing functions in expressing his or her individual character and how that person fits into larger society. Armed with that information, I can help actors to build characters by dressing them in ways that will lead the audience to judge them as the script designates.

The process is similar when you dress to speak before an audience.

For me, one of the most interesting parts of costuming for TV and film is the wealth of information that can be conveyed by minute detail. Changing just one item of clothing or accessories can change the character. In a class I teach on the art of creating costumes, I play a game with the students called, “Who Am I Now? What Is My Story?” For this game, I wear a black turtleneck sweater and pants, pearl stud earrings and black low-heeled shoes.

During the first half hour of the class – while introducing myself and outlining the class – I change jackets. I begin with a turquoise, cotton casual jacket with large silver buttons. The students take notes on who they think I am, including what kind of job I have, how much money I make, where I live and what car I drive. Then I change to a more tailored red jacket and ask them to pay attention to the psychology of the color and style change. Who Am I Now? This has opened their eyes to the necessity of attention to detail.

Will you be speaking to inform, inspire or entertain? How you dress will depend on the general purpose of your speech. Here are some tips to help you:


Speak to Inform
When you speak to inform, you present information or technical concepts. First impressions count. You must establish your credibility in your particular field at first glance, whether you are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or Jack Hanna with a Lemur on Good Morning America. I would be confused if I saw Jack Hanna in a suit and tie talking about endangered animals in the wilderness. No doubt that’s why he dresses for his presentations in clothing that highlight his expertise as a zoologist.

Your clothes speak. The goal is for the audience to understand that you are the expert and to accept your credibility. When you speak to inform, you want the audience to respect you and then take action. You are achieving an appearance of strength, power and leadership. This look helped me with my film costuming career. When I knew a day “on set” would be challenging, I dressed for power – usually in black with a sophisticated jacket and a striking accent of jewelry to draw focus to my face. In this way, I was able to do my job with less resistance from the strong personalities known to inhabit the film industry.


Speak to inspire
When you speak to inspire, you are telling a story that offers a point of view leading to change. Your goal when you dress is to break down any wall between you and the audience, while maintaining a powerful persona. You could be less formal, a little softer, and more conversational. That might run the gamut from a softened conservative look, such as a dark blue suit rather than a black suit; to the very casual fashion of Wayne Dyer, the expert in self-development; to the out there air of professional speaker Mikki Williams, whose style has been mentioned in this magazine.

Your clothes speak. When you speak to inspire, you want the audience to reach out to you, embrace your ideas and grow personally. Your goal is to be accessible, credible and authoritative.

More game playing. My third outfit in the “Who Am I Now? What Is My Story?” game is a moss green antique kimono. When the students complete their notes on the kimono-clad character, I add a psychic/hippy necklace and ask if the necklace changes – or confirms and clarifies – their description.


Speak to Entertain
When you speak to entertain you will be telling a story that you hope will grab the attention of the audience and add enjoyment to their day. There are two ways you can dress to tell the story. The rule in both cases is that the garments must be congruent with the story:

You might dress to suggest the setting of your story. Francis Hodge, Professor Emeritus of Directing, calls costumes “scenery on the move.” In a recent Toastmasters area contest, a young businessman told the story of his trip into a remote mountain area where his life was challenged. He was dressed in a suit, tie and dress shoes. He demonstrated the physical challenges and spoke of his fear. After the contest I talked with him about the idea of wearing casual clothes to better illustrate the story. Later, at the division contest, he told the same story but wore an oxford cloth, button down shirt – open at the neck with no tie. His sleeves were buttoned at the wrist. He wore tan khaki pants pressed with a crease and new hiking boots. He had taken my advice in a very interesting way. By wearing casual clothes he illustrated the setting of the story. By wearing them clean and neatly pressed he painted a picture of his day-to-day life, amplifying the fact that he had stepped out of his comfort zone and learned a life lesson. His choices told both sides of the story.

You might dress as the main character in the story. In a screenwriting class, I learned that each character must contribute to the outcome of the story. The same holds true for the garments and accessories you use as a costume for your speech: Each item contributes directly to the telling of the story and its outcome.


How Do You Choose the Garments?
Always consider three important guidelines when choosing what to wear for a presentation:

• The clothes should not take focus from you, the speaker.
• You need to be able to perform comfortably and effectively in the costume and accessories.
• The costume should not tell more story than you have time to present.

Once you’ve determined that the costume is appropriate, comfortable and fits your speaking needs, you’ll be ready for the next step. It’s time to weigh the effects of one or more of these design elements, whether you wish to suggest a setting or take on a character role:


Color – The color you use and the way you use it can create power, aggression, focus, humor, gentleness and many other emotions.

Color can create a positive or negative effect. On the TV show Hill Street Blues, I costumed the character of a young female drug addict. She lost her battle with drugs when she overdosed at the end of the third episode. The actress was a thin, frail-looking blonde. For her first change, I dressed her in washed-out tan, which was not her best color. To illustrate her decline I dressed her in dirty yellow and for the final episode in putrid yellow-green, each time making her appear closer to death.


Contrast – Contrast in shades of light and dark as well as the contrast between patterned and solid fabrics can create sophistication, exaggerated humor or low-grade bad taste. Medium- to large-size jewelry can also create contrast. Remember, small details are often not seen from the stage. And don’t forget, a speaker standing onstage, dressed completely in black, can look flat and two-dimensional – without contrast.


Focus – Focus should be kept near the head and gesture area, unless otherwise required by the story, as with Dorothy’s red shoes in the film The Wizard of Oz.


Line – The hard line created by the straight skirt of a woman’s business suit makes a very different statement than the soft line created by a three-tiered peasant skirt. For men, there is a vast difference between the hard line of a double-breasted suit and the soft line of a corduroy sport jacket worn open.


Exaggeration – Exaggerate with caution. It can be great and it can also overwhelm the speaker’s form, making him or her invisible.


A Delicate Balance – Each of these elements of design offer a range of choices from simplicity to complexity. I believe a degree of simplification along with focus should be considered even when the character is frilly, complex or exaggerated. Too many good ideas add too much!


Tips for Fine Tuning
Now that you have the basics, here’s how to perfect your style.


For Women:

• If you wear a straight skirt on stage it is important, first, to check that your skirt hem is level. While checking your hem, be sure to wear the shoes you will wear with the skirt. Using a yardstick vertically from the floor to the bottom of the skirt, measure the hem length at five-inch intervals all the way around.
• Being seated on stage can cause modesty challenges. It helps if the skirt is an inch or two longer. When you are seated place one foot behind the other, hold your knees together and tilt them to the left or right. This creates a ladylike, modest appearance.
• Wearing shiny or dangling earrings may be distracting to the viewer. If you are physically animated, your speech can become a story about earrings. So limit the loops! Clanking bracelets and necklaces are distracting as well.
• Keep your hair off your face. When it falls forward, be aware that a segment of the audience cannot see your face. In the theater, this visibility is called “sight lines.” Don’t be disrespectful to the audience by obscuring your face.
• Cream-colored lipstick makes it difficult for the audience to see your lips. In most instances it also makes you look sick.

For Men:

• Your tie choice is an opportunity to visually enhance your power, credibility, accessibility and creativity. The wrong tie could distract the audience or confuse their perception of who you are. The second-hand store is a good place to expand your collection of ties for a very nominal cost.
• Your tie should be tied so the point rests at the bottom of your belt buckle. If you have trouble tying the tie long enough you may need tall man ties, which are available at most department stores, in men’s clothing or the accessories department. Ask the sales-person for help choosing the correct tie length.
• When you are speaking and gesturing, your coat sleeves can appear short. If you do a lot of speaking it might be worth having one jacket or suit coat finished with the sleeves an inch longer than normal.
• The worst pant length is too short. In general, when you are standing, your socks should not be visible.
• Polished shoes and well-groomed nails are a plus.

As you can now see, there are many ways your clothing and jewelry choices affect your presentations. I challenge you – look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Who am I now...What is my story? Am I projecting the image of a person who is qualified to speak on this subject…Do I convey the story I want to tell?” Make educated, attentive choices. Decide to dress your part – and never be misjudged again!


Karen Hudson, ATMB, CL founded the Mindful Communicators club in Woodland Hills, California. She is a retired costumer in the film and TV industry and now teaches costuming. Reach her at hudsonkt@wwdb.org.





Miked for Sound

If you’ll be wearing a microphone, your clothing and jewelry should be chosen with care to work with the equipment.

• The microphone will be placed in an area near your neckline. There should be no fabric or jewelry that could rub or bump on the microphone when you move. The microphone will pick up the scratching sounds of hard surface silk and polyester fabrics, nylon windbreaker jackets and plastic rain gear rubbing together.
• You will need a waist band, belt or pocket to carry the sound pack.

Speaking about the Unspeakable

If you’re a seasoned Toastmaster, you probably feel comfortable speaking in any number of situations – presenting a new business proposal, giving a toast at your daughter’s wedding, making an acceptance speech or launching a campaign for political office. But there are some topics that make even the most experienced and eloquent speaker squirm and lock his tongue in silence: Death. Grief. Illness. Depression. Sexual abuse. Family trauma. They’re not your typical speech subjects, and yet they’re such universal issues.

Speaking about difficult topics can require more tact, knowledge and preparation than the average presentation, and it naturally triggers a lot of questions. How important is it to have personal experience with the topic? How do you manage your and your audience’s emotions? And is it okay to make jokes when speaking about a sensitive subject? Learn from three individuals who – using different approaches – have touched audiences across the world by speaking about difficult, highly emotional subjects.


Dell deBerardinis
After developing a treatment model for victims of sexual abuse, licensed psychotherapist and personal development specialist Dell deBerardinis closed her private practice and launched a speaking career in the early 1990s. Since then, she’s traveled across the United States and Canada, spreading awareness of what she calls “our number one health epidemic: child abuse.”

Many of deBerardinis’ talks are targeted toward mental-health specialists, but she also speaks to the general public. Often there will be victims in the audience, which makes her sensitive topic even more precarious.

“You can’t expect not to push anybody’s buttons. Sometimes, the talk brings up a personal issue that makes somebody emotional,” she says. “There have been difficult moments when somebody in the audience is hostile or I get hostile feedback, and it happens more often with topics that are sensitive. My job is to stay professional no matter what and stay tuned into what happens in the audience.”

In cases when emotional people approach her after the talk, deBerardinis makes sure she’s able to offer a phone number or other information about where the person can turn to receive help.

DeBerardinis says what she does best is connecting with the audience and making them feel comfortable with the topic. “I maintain eye contact, involve the audience when I can, and I honor and respect them. I talk to a lot of health care professionals and I’m constantly humbled by them. I keep in mind that they can bring something to the talk too.”

Sometimes, she uses humor to lighten the mood and diffuse some of the seriousness inevitably associated with the topic. “I make jokes about dysfunctional families,” she says. “But I don’t joke about the specific topic that I’m talking about and I probably time it a little differently.”

DeBerardinis’ talks focus more on the personal than on statistics; she thinks sharing a personal experience makes the presentation more real, like revealing her own story about growing up with alcoholic parents. But, she cautions, telling the audience how you battled to overcome a trauma is more important than the fact that it happened to you. “When I share that there was alcoholism in my family, I try to do it with discretion and when I think it will benefit the audience as a learning experience. I think [sharing personal stories] helps create a bond, but you can’t do too much of it because then it might have the opposite effect and push people away. There has to be a balance.”

For speakers who are preparing to tackle a topic like child abuse for the first time, deBerardinis offers the following advice: “Educate yourself, do the research and be prepared that there will be people in the audience who will be touched by it. The most important thing is that the speaker is comfortable with the topic, so do whatever it takes to get to that point. Spend a little time with people who work with it and interview people who have experience with it.”

She adds, “Another thing that’s so important when you’re talking about topics like this is to offer solutions. We’re talking about problems, but as a speaker it’s also my job to present some things that you can do about it.”

Dell deBerardinis lives in Texas and is the author of Sexual Abuse: Recognition and Recovery, and Therapy Made Simple. Learn more about deBerardinis at www.speakerdell.com.


Bobby Smith
If somebody would’ve told Bobby Smith 25 years ago that he was going to switch his career as a law enforcement officer in Louisiana for one as a professional speaker, he probably would’ve scoffed at the thought. But in 1986, Smith was shot in the face and blinded by a violent drug offender. Eleven years later, his 22-year-old daughter Kimberley was killed in a car accident. The traumas Smith went through – losing his eye-sight, job, independence, self-confidence, marriage, and finally his daughter – catapulted him onto the international speaking circuit.

The first time he told a group of fellow law enforcement officers about the assault that left him blind, Smith broke down and started sobbing uncontrollably half an hour into the talk. “I was an emotional wreck. It was horrible,” he says, acknowledging he wasn’t really ready to speak about his trauma at that point. Smith didn’t realize it at the time, but speaking, and as a result helping others deal with trauma and loss, eventually became a sort of therapy. That doesn’t mean it’s for everybody. “You’ve got to be careful with that. Just because you have a story to tell doesn’t mean you have to tell it. Not now,” he says.

Speaking has been profoundly personal for Smith from the get-go, and he says having experience with the topics he covers has been key to his success. “I’m a storyteller and all my stories are personal,” he says. “There are a lot of people out there who are hurting and they need to hear about it, not just from a textbook standpoint.”


“Telling the audience how you battled to overcome a trauma
is more important than the fact that it happened to you."


Smith has seen many experienced speakers put audiences to sleep by loading up their talks with PowerPoint presentations and too many faceless statistics, while leaving out the stories that could potentially move and engage the listeners. Smith says he usually outlines every presentation in his head but never uses notes or speaks from a lectern.

His speeches often bring people to tears, with some people sobbing openly, but humor is also an important component of his self-taught speaking style. “I’ve learned to laugh at myself and I laugh with people, not at people. I laugh about being blind and some of the things I do as a blind person,” he says. Sometimes, Smith gets emotional when speaking and he doesn’t always know what part of the presentation will trigger it. “I don’t plan to cry and I don’t plan to laugh. I just show the real me and expose myself to the audience,” he says. “I call it the ‘Southern style.’ I speak from my heart and what you see is what you get.”

Bobby Smith is the author of Visions of Courage and The Will to Survive. Learn more about Smith at www.visionsofcourage.com.


Sara Rich Wheeler
Most parents can’t think of anything more painful than losing a child, and as certified grief counselor Sara Rich Wheeler discovered 20 years ago, the need to talk about it is tremendous. Wheeler was in charge of a new program about stillborn babies and newborn death at a Wisconsin hospital when she and a colleague were asked to speak about the topic at two national events in the late 1980s. The response to their talk was so overwhelming that they decided to take the program on the road. Now the Dean of Lakeview College of Nursing in Danville, Illinois, Wheeler often speaks to health care professionals as well as lay audiences about grief and how to cope with miscarriages and infant death.

“I’ve worked with a lot of people who have had miscarriages, and listening to them has taught me a lot. When I speak about grief I share their stories, and by doing that I can teach somebody else,” she says. In addition to real-life stories, she always tries to provide a theoretical framework for what grief really is, to help people understand the process of healing. “I work really hard, when I speak, for people to ‘get it.’ If you talk to people, especially on topics like this, and they don’t ‘get it,’ they won’t do anything about it.”

Wheeler always tries to show up to a speaking engagement an hour ahead of time, to get her audiovisuals ready and introduce herself to people as they come in. Sometimes she plays music to create a certain atmosphere and sets up some books or other things for people to put their hands on.

She also makes an effort to create a protected and safe environment, where it’s okay for people to cry if they feel the need. It’s not unusual for people to become upset or even angry when they are reminded of a situation that happened to them, Wheeler says. “Sometimes people have even gotten up and left, and if that happens I usually ask somebody to check on them. I’ve noticed some national meetings are not prepared for that, but some people get overwhelmed with emotions and they need somewhere to go.”

When speaking about grief, it’s important to choose your words carefully, Wheeler says. Words that are routinely used among health care professionals often come across as insensitive to a lay audience, like “incinerating” when talking about cremating the remains of a fetus, or “spontaneous abortion” when talking about a miscarriage.

Often, people in the audience want to share their experiences with grief as well, and if there is time Wheeler tries to accommodate that need. This can be risky, however, since she doesn’t know what people are going to say or how long it will take. “I want to recognize what people have to say, but I don’t let them dominate the session,” she says. “I try to be tactful about it.”

Wheeler, who hasn’t lost a child herself, says her training and education coupled with work experience helped immensely once she started speaking publicly about grief. She recommends that those who want to try it work hard on their credibility, possibly even by getting certified in a certain area or publishing a book.

“If you’re going to be speaking about this, you’d better have the facts right. If you mispronounce words or misstate the facts, it ruins your credibility,” she says. “And when you start speaking to people who work in this area, they may ask some very intricate and complicated questions. You need to have the background and experience to answer them, or the humbleness to say that you’re not sure and turn to somebody in the room who might have an answer. If I don’t know the answer, I don’t fake it.”

Sara Rich Wheeler lives in Indiana and is the co-author of When a Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping, and Goodbye My Child.


Linda McGurk is a communications specialist and freelance writer based in Indiana. Reach her at www.mcgurkmedia.com.